Poythress to Consider Part Time Job As Pizza Delivery Boy

TENT CITY, KY- After spending time last night delivering pizza to hungry fans camping out for Big Blue Madness tickets, Alex Poythress has reportedly decided to pursue a career as a pizza delivery boy.

A source overheard Poythress commenting to a friend, “Man, I could do this all night long!”, referring to passing out pizza and not (as we first assumed) Lionel Ritchie’s hit song. Witnesses commented on the huge grin planted on Poythress’s face as he interacted with fans and spread the joy of Papa John’s pizza throughout 582 tents worth of people.

Kentucky Head Coach John Calipari could not be reached directly for comment, but a source who wishes to remain anonymous told this reporter, “Calipari runs a players-first program, and that includes their professional careers. If the NCAA would only pay student athletes, Alex wouldn’t have to pick up a part time job.”

Considering Poythress is currently projected to only go sixth in the 2013 NBA Draft, it’s probably wise for him to work for extra cash during the school year. In that scenario, Poythress would only earn $2,643,600 in his rookie year, as opposed to the $4,436,900 projected first-year earnings of the number one overall draft pick- hardly enough to afford a white-on-white Bentley.

NCAA rules allow student athletes on scholarship to earn up to $2,000 annually at outside employment; as a pizza delivery boy, it’s safe to say Poythress will not be in danger of violating this regulation. However, UK is awaiting ruling from the NCAA regarding how much Poythress will be able to use his employee discount or employee meal for free or drastically reduced-cost pizza.

Poythress has scheduled a press conference for halftime of the next UK home football game (to ensure a high attendance) to announce which pizza chain he will work for. The smart bet is on Papa John’s, which is a UK sponsor and gave Poythress his start in the business last night; however, there are whispers that Poythress is partial to the cheesesticks from Mad Mushroom. Mellow Mushroom also has nicer uniforms.

Poythress’s favorite pizza toppings are pineapple and ham.

@KristenGeilKSR for fake and sometimes real news